There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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