There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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