here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
