I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
