I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
