Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
