went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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