I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
