Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize