just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
