Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
May the power of my ass compel you!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize