I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
