Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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