i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My day in three words: secret purse cake
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
