I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
