i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize