WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
