"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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