Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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