dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
