so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
