I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
