I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
