OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
