Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
