He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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