you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
