I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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