I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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