Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
