I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
