Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
