I smell stomach acid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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