can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
