I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize