One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
