I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
