We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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