Screwed.edu
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
