where am i from again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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