Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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