I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize