Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
