I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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