My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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