I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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