This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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