remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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