that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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