Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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