dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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