It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
