Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
