I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
