Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
