all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
