saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize