It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
