You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
