Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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