I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize