Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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