uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize